I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
