no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
