I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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