Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
