4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
