He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
