why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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