when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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