hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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