I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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