I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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