If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
