The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
