Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
