What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
