we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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