Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
