take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
