is your mom at the bar?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
