You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
