I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
