In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
