i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
