well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
