It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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