Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
