Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
