like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
