Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
