They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
