I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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