saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
