I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
