First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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