We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
