Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
