If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
