I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
