connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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