I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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