i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
