You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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