Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
