u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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