just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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