I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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