I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
