in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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