I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
