I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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