guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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