My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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