How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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