so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
