So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
