Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
