Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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