my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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