Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
