I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
