Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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