Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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