So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
