I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
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It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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