I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
