I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
